PDM Chapter 35
My mind clouded, and my vision became blurry as I looked at the scene. Like a mere tree that fell in a storm, I twisted and my face hit the marble.
I slowly closed my eyes as I saw his footsteps rushing towards me.
I felt something cold rubbing on my neck. Something fell when I shuddered at the damp object moving, its motion forming goosebumps all over my body.
As I breathed in relief, something touched me again, as if teasing me. It felt like a human hand.
Recognizing that it was a human hand, something flashed in my mind, and I came to my senses.
I swatted the hand and opened my eyes to see Kyle holding a medicine bottle in his hand. I looked around and realized it was probably night since the room was submerged in darkness. Perhaps I fainted and only woke up at night.
Not accustomed to the darkness, I squinted and saw Kyle basking under the moonlight passing through the window. He lowered his hand and placed the glass bottle on the table.
“Are you going to strangle me this time?”
His hand holding the glass bottle trembled, and as he let it go, he turned to me. Even though I had chosen words meant to hurt, he remained firm and didn’t show any signs of anger or discomfort. Except for things related to Hari, Kyle always kept his composure.
“Is Viscount Carena always like this?”
“Are you curious?”
I tried to get up, and my voice came out muffled. Then, when I twisted my waist and tried to lift my torso, Kyle firmly held down my shoulder.
I lay helplessly in bed because of his touch. Disheveled, my hair fell like a thread on the bed.
“Let go,” I said, struggling to get up several times but repeatedly pushed down by his strong hand.
“Don’t move,” he said, his voice low and quiet.
Kyle rested his big, hard hand on the bed linen and tilted my face. Then, he extended his other hand to my neck and applied the medicine gently and delicately.
“Ugh…” The sensation tickled my skin and caused goosebumps, and I covered my lips as I groaned with pain. Still, I didn’t avoid his glance and continued to meet his eyes.
His gray eyes, which had darkened in the night, gradually faded. I felt a strange stimulus all over my body, so I gave up on keeping eye contact with him and looked away, turning to focus on his hand instead.
“Why are you doing this?”
Simple guilt and obligation? Sympathy and compassion? If it wasn’t that, did you have a change of heart?
He didn’t answer, but it felt like his silence was answer enough.
I slapped Kyle’s hand away, and he moved without complaint. Kyle, who had taken a step back, passed the moonlight across the bed and disappeared into the darkness.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Did you want to make me miserable?”
“A relationship with Father was something Your Grace didn’t want,” my voice cracked at the end as I struggled to control my soaring anger and misery. I could hardly stand it.
Unlike me, Kyle only looked at me calmly in the dark. Of course, I couldn’t tell what expression he was making in the dark, but the density of emotions differed significantly.
Would there ever be a moment when this man collapsed because of me? The moment we lost our baby, did you ever fully express your feelings except for a single moment of guilt? He was a man who knew how to make people miserable.
I slowly raised my upper body and let out an exaggeratedly dry laugh.
“Do you feel bad that I lost the child, and now you’re making up for it?”
Kyle, who continued to stay silent, swept his hair with a hand. I wasn’t sure, but I thought I heard him sigh as he did.
“You know that’s not what it means.”
“How would I know when you don’t tell me?”
“Viscount Carena came every day and asked to meet.”
“I thought it would be better to give him some extra money than to make you worry.”
I burst into laughter and shook my head. Then, words flowed out of my mouth. “Since when have you been concerned?”
In the whitish light, Kyle’s hand was visible. His hands trembled in response to my words.
“If you didn’t think of your father, you wouldn’t even mention sponsorship.”
“It would be easier to ask me to kill you.”
So, in the end, he sponsored Father for me. I tried to widen my eyes and get used to the darkness to see his face.
This person didn’t know. No, he’s just pretending not to know. All of this was just a vain condition to me.
But what’s the point of considering them when it came to the present situation? I laughed and pulled my legs out of bed. I didn’t have the energy to get up, so I just sat down. I suddenly felt like a puppet with a broken thread.
“I want to know why.”
I couldn’t get a divorce, and I couldn’t go out. As I looked at the wounds in my heart that I didn’t care about, the question buried deep in the abyss came up to the shore.
“Why are you so afraid to divorce me?”
“Even though the relationship has ended, do you still need me to protect her? Or…” I paused and caught my breath. Chuckling, I asked, “Are you in love with me now?”
I didn’t expect it, but the silence was unbearable. I slowly looked up.
“I thought you loved me.”
I glanced over and looked at his hand, balled into a fist as if clenching something.
Strange feelings that even I didn’t understand soared. I said I had no feelings left for him, but if I could do it once, I wanted to hurt his feelings.*
I took a deep breath, my chest rising and falling. Then, resolutely, I looked up at Kyle hiding in the dark.
“I can’t get a divorce, and I can’t go out. So there’s no way out of this.”
“If I can’t get a divorce, I’ll leave the mansion.”
Haa. I could hear his breath hitch in the silence.
Did his hands express his feelings? His clenched fists loosened and hung in the air. His trembling fingertips felt empty as if he had missed something important.
“You have nowhere to go.”
I looked away from Kyle’s hand and slowly swept up his body.
“If I don’t have one, I can make one.”
“Are you saying you’re going to have an affair?”
“There’s nothing I can’t do.”
Like a beast coming out of a cave, he sauntered out of the darkness. Soon after, I could see his face, disorganized as if cracked in the mirror. I stared in surprise at his unfamiliar appearance.
“You can’t get a divorce.”
The sudden high-pressure energy overwhelmed me, and when I tried to look away, he came closer and grabbed my chin. His eyes, which had always been indifferent, shone fiercely.
“Even if you roll around with him in this mansion.”
Him? I raised one eyebrow and frowned.
I couldn’t breathe as I looked up at Kyle. His knuckles gently rubbed my skin before gripping my chin.
Ugh. A heavy groan echoed from my throat.
I looked up at him sharply, and in the blink of an eye, his knees slipped between my legs and spread my thighs. When I tried to force my legs together, my silk slip was mercilessly crumpled and rolled up.
Darker gray eyes stared at me intently.
“Your Grace.” I pushed against his hard chest to no avail. As he slowly approached me, my eyes widened. “Let me go.”
“Why, didn’t you do this when you slept with him?” He snarled.
My face wrinkled in confusion, oblivious to the meaning of his words.
“What are you talking about–”
I stopped speaking and held my breath. Did he doubt my relationship with Takan?
I scoffed. I used Takan to provoke Kyle, but I didn’t think he’d suspect us.
The person who loved another woman acted so confidently, but why was I being suspected? It was absurd and unfair. I grabbed the wrist of his hand holding my chin, and stared up at him.
“Oh, like this?” I gently rubbed his wrist where a vein protruded. “Like you were with the Countess of Harden?”
Kyle’s eyes twitched in response to the mention of Hari. The hand that gripped my chin fell, and his gray eyes widened. Suddenly, he became as gentle as a tamed beast.
“Never mind. I told you I wasn’t curious.”
“If you want, I can take responsibility for the affair, and you can expel me from the territory, so just give me a divorce.”
As I pushed his chest again, the weak force moved him, unlike before.
“Affair?” I repeated what he said, laughing, then shook my head calmly as if admitting to it.
Turning away from him, I dug into the bed and curled in on myself.
“As you said, now we can find our own partners.”
*Not 100% sure with this translation. Please take w/ a grain of salt.
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